It is based on the understanding that everything we say and do is an attempt to meet our universal human values and needs, such as belonging, understanding, being heard, consideration, security—and many more.
Compassionate Communication shows us how to listen underneath people’s words and actions for the values and needs they are wanting to be met. Because we all have these needs and values, focusing here helps us find common ground.
Once we’ve found our comman ground, we can have connecting conversations to resolve our differences and reach win-win solutions, rather than continuing in painful cycles of misunderstanding and resentfulness.
We can also speak up authentically about what needs and values we would like to be fulfilled– and do it in a way that is easier for others to hear without becoming defensive. This increases the possibility of our needs being addressed without coercing, blaming, or shaming others into it.
Perhaps the most important way we can use Compassionate Communication is with ourself, because sometimes the most hurtful words we use in a day are the ones we direct at ourself– such as when we think we’ve made a mistake. Compassionate Communication can help us stop our fruitless negative self-talk and instead, learn from our mistakes with compassion and understanding.
All of this contributes to more pleasure and less stress in our everyday lives. In Compassionate Communication we call this “making life more wonderful”!
Anyone! If you interact with other people, whether in person or via media, or you interact with yourself– you qualify! It’s being used around the world in families, schools, businesses, and all types of organizations.
WHAT IF THE OTHER PERSON DOESN’T KNOW COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION?
No problem! We learn how to translate what others say, so that we’re hearing their universal human needs, not the words they express them with. By hearing their underlying needs, we’re less likely to get defensive or have a painful response to what they say.
For more information about Nonviolent Communication©/NVC, you might like to visit http://cnvc.org.